What I’m doing to be a better mom

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am a goals-oriented, learning-driven person. This manifests in my parenting as well- I often feel the best about what I’m doing as a parent when I’ve got some measurable plan of attack to “do a better job” and learn more about how to best help my kiddos learn and grow. Here are three things I’m doing lately, and why.

Read parenting books. One thing I’ve been doing is reading this book, “Simplicity Parenting” by Kim John Payne- I read about a chapter a day (sometimes less), so I can have time to process the content. It’s my own copy (rather than the library’s), so I can underline and annotate and mark up the book as much as I want. I try to do some reading early on during the day. Often mornings right after breakfast are when the girls play the nicest together and on their own, so rather than grabbing my phone and scrolling through Instagram, I’ll try to read a page or two. I find this helps me get in the mindset of mindful parenting for the rest of the day- almost like setting an intention for the day- it helps me focus on what’s most important.

Less phone time, more floor time. Inspired by the LookUp Challenge, I’ve been trying to spend less time on my phone during the day and more time on the floor, playing with my kids and paying attention to them. It’s so easy to be on my phone because it feels like a connection to other adults, which I don’t otherwise get, but it comes at too big of a cost. I want the girls to know that they’re the most important thing to me, not whatever is on the phone. I haven’t actually gone through A Friendly Affair’s full challenge (although I have the emails and materials, I just haven’t actually done it yet!)- but the idea behind it is inspiring and I’m working on it.

More me time / volunteering time. I’m finding that when I have a little time away from the girls, I am able to come back recharged and better able to focus on them. So I’m trying hard to make more time for myself and make space for things in my life that aren’t kid related. I’m about to start volunteering tutoring ESL to refugee women, and for some reason even though this is logistically complicated (it’s nowhere near my home!), it’s much easier for me to make the time when it’s helping someone else. That starts this week, so I’ll keep you posted!

What do you do to try to improve yourself as a parent? Sometimes I feel like there’s no such thing as self-improvement anymore– all improvement goes towards the kids, so all the more reason to become better!

Hooks Can be Deceiving by Betty Hechtman

Hooks Can be Deceiving is the twelfth book in the Crochet Mystery series by Betty Hechtman. Full disclaimer up front: I received a review copy from NetGalley, so I haven’t read the previous books in the series- although I’ve already requested the first book from the library so I can catch up!

One of my favorite types of palate cleansers and comfort reads right now is the genre that is cozy culinary mystery. These mysteries incorporate food as a big part of the storyline and include a recipe or recipes in the back. For someone who loves reading and cooking, they’re amazing! This particular version not only had a recipe in the back, but also two crochet patterns- which made it even more appealing. I’ve been a Knitter for my entire adult life (bonus points to you, reader, if you know the reference to a Knitter versus a knitter), but I just taught myself to crochet this year, so I loved reading a book that incorporated crochet and fiber arts along with food and cooking.

Because I haven’t read the others in the series, I won’t provide much of a synopsis- I don’t know what parts of the story are spoilers. But the basic story is: bookstore employee Molly runs a crochet group in the yarn section of her bookstore (side note: please sign me up for this kind of bookstore!). There is a murder committed, and she strives to uncover whodunit. The plot is, therefore, a pretty straightforward cozy mystery.

What the book brings to the table is its portrayal of female intergenerational friendships and a middle-aged protagonist whose love life is unbothered and ambiguous. Too often we see female friendships that are one-dimensional, but in this story, we see both sides of Molly’s relationship with her friends, particularly her best friend Dinah. These are friendships in which Molly is both giving and receiving support in meaningful ways. I felt like these relationships themselves were an important part of the story, not just a plot device. Molly also had a love life, but it was a teeny bit ambiguous, and she was unbothered by this (I’m positive there are spoilers here, so I’m treading lightly). At the beginning of the book I was definitely afraid that the romance was going to get very tropey, but it managed to avoid that and remain focused on Molly herself. She was able to retain her independence and strength in the midst of a romantic relationship that supported her without smothering her. In a world full of books which portray women trying to have a certain type of relationship (or none at all), this book was refreshing. The romantic relationship(s?) in this story felt incidental to the story, and as a nice added bonus to Molly’s life, but not its sole purpose.

Overall, a great cozy mystery with not only an interesting angle to the series, but a character with solid relationship goals.

The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

This seems like one of the most hyped books of this year- and I can definitely see why.

The Great Alone follows the Allbright family (father Ernt, mother Cora, and especially daughter Leni) as they begin a homestead in Alaska after Ernt is released from a Vietnamese POW camp. Leni is initially taken aback by this drastic change, but she gets caught up in the excitement of possibility, and the beauty and wonder of Alaska itself. When they arrive at their new home, two things become clear to Leni- first, that they are woefully unprepared and unaware of what living in Alaska is going to entail and second, that the community where they landed is something different than she’s ever known. She’s especially excited to meet and befriend the one kid her age, Matthew.

But even though Leni feels that she’s finally putting down roots, she hides the deep secret of her father’s anger and  violence following his return from war. Leni comes of age in this unique circumstance, and we’re along for the ride.

While I mostly enjoyed this book, and finished it in just a couple days, I also struggled with it at times. The setting was so much fun to read about, as well as the specifics of this kind of homesteading that the Allbright family must learn- it’s clear that Hannah knows what she’s wriitng about. But the action scenes which drive the plot forward are at times so predictable that I was cringing and forcing myself to read through them to get to the other side where the characters could continue to develop. These scenes were few, and the story after them compelled me forward. As a mother, the relationship between Leni and Cora frustrated me to no end, and I’m not convinced that Cora was able to redeem herself at all in my eyes.

My favorite part of this book is that there was a big romance theme, but it wasn’t what defined Leni’s formative years. It was there and it was shaping her in a positive way, but she was largely coming into her own on her own and I think this made the romance stronger.

Overall, if you like compelling reading with a unique setting and Hannah’s writing style, you’ll probably enjoy this book as well. I did!

Questions for discussion:

Did Cora’s big actions at the end of the book redeem any of her shortcomings throughout the rest of the book?

Did you believe in Leni and Matthew’s romance?

Place was a huge component of this book- in what way was this a story about Alaska, and in what way was it a coming of age story? Can the two be separated?

June Month in Review

June was an exciting month for us! When it started, my husband was/had been out of the country for work, and we came home we got to do two fun things with Big Sister’s dance class (two year olds doing ballet is the CUTEST!)- she had picture day, and then the local small town parade. We got a new front door for our house and are preparing for a renovation of our bathroom, and then it was time for a birthday party! Big Sister turned 3! We went to the zoo and had a family party. We wrapped up the week with Take Your Kids to Work Day at L’s company and going to our first family protest for #FamiliesBelongTogether.

But what about the reading?

Goodreads tells me I read 12 books- which seems nuts. I finished In the Distance by Hernan Diaz (check out my video and blog reviews) first, then Welcome to Lagos by Chibundu Onuzo. I read three of the Magical Bakery Mysteries by Bailey Cates (and that’s probably enough of that series), The Penderwicks by Jeanne Birdsall,  and The Philosopher’s Flight by Tom Miller. Next I read The Optimistic Decade by Heather Abel, Heart Berries by Therese Marie Maillhot, and The Last Neanderthal by Claire Cameron. I finished the month with some lighter reads- the third Library Lover’s Mystery by Jenn McKinlay and Til Death Do Us Tart by Ellie Alexander.

My Youtube Wrap-ups (6/15, 6/3)  of many (but not all) of these books give a little more of my thoughts, since I’m still playing around with blogging versus YouTube for books.

 

My favorite books this month: In the Distance and The Philosopher’s Flight, The Optimistic Decade, The Penderwicks

The book I’m most conflicted about this month: The Last Neanderthal

 

The best part about July so far? Big Sister has discovered a love for listening to audiobooks in the car, which is fun for me too! We’ve got a vacation coming up later this summer that involves a bit of a road trip, so I’m actually looking forward to getting to listen to an audiobook while we drive.

 

 

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In the Distance by Hernan Diaz

In the Distance tells the story of Hakan, a young Swedish boy who is sent with his brother to travel to New York to make a new (and better) life. Before they even leave Sweden, Hakan and Linus are separated and since Hakan’s understanding of anything of the world outside his home village is limited to  the words“New York,” he determines that the best course of action is to continue on to New York on his own and meet Linus there. He ends up in Argentina and then California, and his quest truly begins.

Hakan had never before left his small village in Sweden, and knew no one and no language other than Swedish. He was young and impressionable and the cast of characters he met took on an almost Odyssian proportion. He meets a prospector, a female saloon proprieter and landowner (perhaps- her exact role beyond Hakan is unclear in the book, as it was unclear to Hakan), and a naturalist, among others, but mostly his journey is one of extreme solitude.

In this journey, Hakan, or ‘The Hawk,” to non-Swedish speakers, ponders questions about the nature of humanity, god, and nature. Upon hearing, and mostly accepting, a theory of evolution from his naturalist companion, Hakan thinks, “Even more outrageous and insulting was the notion of the primordial snot. Had he not been created in god’s image? What, then, was god?” (66). Statements like these gave me the unique experience of both snorting in laughter and yet contemplating the profound question at the same time.

The nature and land around Hakan become a character in the story. This makes the book about a single man who spends most of his time avoiding other people feel rich and descriptive rather than barren and navel-gazing. Hakan becomes enveloped in the different landscapes he encounters, and makes them each feel alive to the reader, while at the same time allowing the reader to feel not just the beauty, but also the starkness, fear, and danger which accompanies each new terrain.

The people in the story, although there aren’t many, give us windows into humanity and humanity’s many sides. Most of it isn’t pretty, as we’re exposed to greed, lust, possession, religion, and violence. But we get as well a small glimpse of knowledge, friendship, and love which sustain the book and save it from utter bleakness.

The language is truly one of the books strengths, and while it’s magnificent, it’s not pretentious. It had me returning to the book in my thoughts when I couldn’t return to it physically, but at the same time, my notes are surprisingly spare. I got caught up in reading experience and didn’t get feel blasted by forced platitudes.

This book is a great choice for someone who loves the American West (although not too much, for this isn’t your typical triumph of white man over nature story), adventure tales, and stories of introspection and a touch of magical realism.

Questions for Discussion:
How does Hakan’s growth and size both influence and represent the story as a whole?

What role did nature and landscape play in the story- could it have been told in any other place?

On page 105, there’s this sentence: “Sometimes it rained, and it was always a miracle.” What other miracles did Hakan witness, and did he always recognize them? Did he make you see ordinary events as miraculous?